stupid hot girl
@zvava@f.619.hu
when i reluctantly consider shuttering this instance and migrating to bbs.619.hu i try make a poll so it doesn't feel like i'm the one actually making the decsion; i read the word "iceshrimp" and then go back to the word "firefish" and i can't consider any further it's just—something about the fish. the orange. the frontend. the character. the experience, the flow. how reliable it has been. how timeless it is. it's perfect. there is nothing else that even comes close to it. the fish has been with me through thick and thin. the fish has always been there for me. i could always rely on the fish when no one else had my back⸺but is that really true? how much truth is there to half of that? what about all the shit i've had to go through for the fish? the older version of postgres i have to run that uses additional gigabytes of memory? the charge cycles my phones've gone through from the frontend? how dogshit aria is? what about all those years i spent on mastodon? how simple, how nice just tusky was? ah...the yearning to go back to a simpler time....no! i shan't give in to nostalgia! though, alas, what if it is simply time to move on to something new? what if it is time to say "it's not you, it's me"? ...what if it is the fish but i can't bring myself to tell it? there's no half-assed way to go about this. i've found myself at the bottom of a hole where it is as possible to crawl my way out spitting dirt as it is to just keep digging until i have no choice but to keep digging, or rather, until i can no longer fathom that i could at any point leave the hole even if i'll get some dirt in my mouth. a stunning realization; what if i've already hit bedrock? this certainly feels like an impass. so much i've gone through, put up with...but to just throw it all away again? what if there is so much more the fish can give to me that it doesn't know i need because i don't tell it? i need more time, i need so much more time, but i know this story well. the perfect conditions never arise. ugh, all this yadda-yadda hand-waving making-excuses bullshit and not one decision made⸺and so, im left in exactly the same spot i was in before i started typing. im so tired. i need a break. i need to get out of here. there are bugs under my skin and to rid of them i need to remove my flesh so there is nothing the bugs can hide beneath. press like if you cry every time
